In the age of douche-bags, a nice guy is seen like a precious gemstone, let’s say a Ruby. Even if rubies are not your style and they’re not what you want, the sight of one will still fascinate you at first and you’ll feel as if a Ruby is exactly what you needed. After all, you’ve been getting charcoal for a long time and you’re in desperate need for a change. However and after a little while you realise that you prefer a Sapphire but you still choose the Ruby anyway because there are no guarantees that you will find your Sapphire and there’s no way you’re going to dig in that dark and scary mine again anytime soon!
So you start convincing yourself. He’s a nice guy. He’s a gentleman. He’ll treat me right and he won’t break my heart. We’re having good times together and I’m sure I’ll eventually fall in love with him. You introduce him to your circle and everyone is happy that you’ve found yourself a nice guy and some will even envy you. A picture perfect couple, right? Time will pass and when you least expect it, it will suddenly hit you: I don’t like Rubies at all!!
At this point you have two possibilities: One, you either quickly dismiss that idea and you keep on living forever in denial, dominated by the fear of not finding anyone better or ending up alone or with someone bad. Two, you will realise that something is wrong and you’ll start thinking about your choices. If you choose number two, here’s how it will go.
You start feeling less and less happy but you don’t quite understand why. You guys never fight and he’s treating you just right. So what’s wrong? And then it hits you: maybe you’ve never really been in love with him. After a couple of sleepless nights you decide to open up to someone close, usually a girlfriend. In most cases they’ll try and convince you to stay with Mr. Nice saying that it’s a normal phase and you will come back to your senses because who would give up a Ruby! (Though you want a Sapphire more than anything). A couple of months pass and you’re dead on the inside but hey at least you’re killing your own soul instead of letting some douche bag hurt you! And finally one day, you decide that you’ve had enough delusions and so you end a relationship that was never meant to happen.
Let’s take a step back and rethink the whole situation.
Settling down for less than what you want is one of the worst things to do in life, especially if you’re doing it out of fear of the unknown. You’re hurting an innocent person (and basically using them) but mostly you’re hurting yourself. You’re taking away your chance of happiness. Why settle down? What are you so afraid of? Ending up alone? Having society judge you for being on your own? Are you seriously willing to sacrifice your chance of finding true love and happiness just to please other people? See this is something I personally experienced and witnessed many times in Lebanon; being single is frowned upon especially in your late twenties and thirties. Society and family will convince you to stay with someone you don’t really love just so you wouldn’t be alone. Nice guys are seen as an opportunity to settle down even if no love is in sight. But there are many other things to focus on in life, like your education and career and friends and family. Yes there are lots of Mr. Wrongs out there who might break your heart or give you a hard time, but are you THAT weak to let this fact control your whole life?
Mr. Nice is not always Mr. Right. I don’t want to sound like I’m writing some fairytale nonsense but let me tell you this; someday when you least expect it, Mr. Right will cross your path and the wait for your Sapphire will be worth it! And it will be one of the best feelings in the world.
Do share your Mr. Nice Guy and Mr. Wrong Guy stories with me and tell me if you agree!
Rita el Hajj